For the newly pregnant, maybe this post will save you a few hours of staring, terrified, into the mirror at the strange creatures overtaking your chest.
For those reading this who have already "been there, done that," feel free to laugh.
Stage 1: Are those balloons under your shirt, or are you just happy to see me?
I knew they were going to get bigger, sure. That being said, I figured since I was already way past well-endowed in this area, my cute and lacy Victoria's Secret bras would surely be able to sustain my over abundance of ta-tas until AT LEAST late pregnancy. I mean how much bigger could they get? The answer is big. Really big. And if you're like me, it basically happens overnight and you won't realize it until someone points out that your boobs are semi-successfully escaping from the sides of that tank top that definitely fit you five days ago.
Stage 2: Back away. Slowly.
On top of swelling over your once perfectly fitted demi bra (hello, quad-boob!) they may also obtain the ability to feel the breath your obviously inconsiderate husband blew from across the room, and they tend to scream in response. (Okay, maybe it's actually me howling like a banshee and flailing my arms, but I swear sometimes it happens so fast I think my boobs must have taken temporary control over my body.) I went into my OB at the beginning of this pregnancy begging to know when I would be able to accidentally graze my chest without spewing out expletives. Her response? "Probably sometime after you stop breastfeeding."
The good news is that, for me at least, the discomfort comes and goes and honestly isn't as bad as it was a few months ago. I imagine that will all change once this baby is actually here, but for now, I'm enjoying the silence.
Stage 3: Transcending borders
Lets move on to areolas. Ahhh, areolas, that wonderful area I used to refer to as "the outer nipple area." People will tell you these get bigger and have a tendency to darken during pregnancy. These people would be right. What these people might not tell you is that your areolas sometimes get over-excited with their new job description (namely, turning everything that was once pink and lovely into the color of that avocado you left out on the counter last night) and they might start to spill their splotchy brownness into other places, like the rest of your boob.
Stage 4: Moo, baby.
The last breast-related change I wasn't quite expecting (honestly due to my lack of research) was that every woman's boobs change at a different rate. Which meant, for me, that even though my OB told me to expect some leakage in my third trimester, I found myself at 23 weeks running into the bedroom when my husband pointed out that I had managed to leak two glorious circles into his t-shirt during an episode of House. Cue the mortified crying.
How about you? Did any pregnancy changes take you by surprise?